Oh my god. that was a trip. So I discovered what I did wrong here and will explain it simply for everyone else trying. So once you launch the docker image you need to console in using
root@docker:/vintagestory# docker container exec -it vintagestory-server /bin/bash
Then I install nano because I hate VIM
apt-get update && apt-get install nano
Then navigate to the data folder
cd data
and open the serverconfig.json
nano serverconfig.json
near the bottom you can change the whitelist mode to 1
to get out of Nano use ctrl+x then y to say yes you want to save and then enter
then exit to docker and restart the server and it should work.
I made a lot of mistakes but one that was causing the biggest headache was I also tried to add my name to the whitelist but didn't use the right syntax so the server was rebooting over and over again.