How do you keep Blackguards from eating all your food??!?!?

[traugdor]

So, uh… does anyone else have this problem?

So I'm playing on a multiplayer server with a friend of mine. I picked Clockmaker and she picked Blackguard. While she was off mining, I spent an embarrassing amount of time crafting the perfect stew. Like, I’m talking Gordon Ramsay levels of effort here. Red meat, bearded tooth mushrooms (do you know how hard those are to find?!), and turnips—TURNIPS, people. I simmered it all down into what can only be described as “a pot of warm hugs for your soul.”

When it was done, I proudly poured it into a crock, sealed it like the responsible adult I pretend to be, and lovingly placed it on the shelf in our house. I stepped outside for maybe five minutes to check on the bronze I had poured earlier, and when I came back? The crock was empty. EMPTY.

At first, I thought, “Wow, I must’ve been hungrier than I realized.” But then I saw crumbs on the floor. Crumbs. And there, just beyond my window, was a Blackguard trotting off into the sunset, probably picking her teeth with a twig and muttering about “a nice stew that could’ve used more salt.”

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED?

Is this normal? Are Blackguards, like… food critics in disguise? Should I be flattered or offended? Why do they even want stew? Do they have digestive systems? Can I lure them into a hole with a trail of stew-soaked turnips?

More importantly, HOW DO I STOP THESE GREEDY JERKS FROM EATING MY FOOD?!

Do I need to build a stew vault? Hide my food underground? Barter with them? (Do they like pie better? Should I bake pie?) Or is there some secret mechanic I’ve missed entirely? Because if I can’t keep my hard-earned meals safe, I’m going to have to live off raw bushmeat and regret.

Please help. I’m tired of feeding the local population. And also, I miss my stew.

[Maelstrom]

That. Was. Hilarious!

As a blackguard myself, it doesn't matter what the meal is made of.  The calories are what is important.  I suggest making a nice red meat, cabbage and fruit stew for your blackguard friend.  While they're nom'ing to their hearts content make your delicious meat and mushroom stew for yourself.  You may want to leave a second high calorie meal for your friend if you want to protect your leftovers.

[traugdor]

Am I just the camp mom now? I'm already sorting the storage...

[LadyWYT]

9 hours ago, traugdor said:

More importantly, HOW DO I STOP THESE GREEDY JERKS FROM EATING MY FOOD?!

Ooo, great question. I think Maelstrom has the best advice, in that if you find yourself in this situation, it's best to leave out a portion of calorie-rich food, much like you would feed an outdoor pet. Blackguards are great at keeping areas free of threats and it's not hard to keep them happy, so if you can convince them to hang around they'll happily keep your base free of pests...provided you keep them fed.

In the event that you really don't want such uninvited guests though, the most important thing to remember is do not try to use force to get them to leave! Force is acceptable for Malefactors who try to steal your shinies, but Blackguards are very tough fighters. In the event you do manage to anger one, the best thing to do is run away and find some horsetails to help heal any wounds inflicted(you may need quite a lot of them).

As for keeping them out of your food stores, you could try padlocking the cellar door, but this is likely to be ineffective as Blackguards are good diggers and most are smart enough to tunnel their way in. The better way to discourage them from eating your foodstuffs is to simply stick to a diet they won't appreciate. Most Blackguards aren't terribly picky eaters, but like @Maelstrom mentioned, they do love calorie-dense food, and that comes primarily in the form of redmeat. If you stick to a vegetarian diet, you can still get protein from food like soybeans, and it tends to result in fewer stolen meals(though that depends on what the Blackguard in question is willing to eat).

If the above isn't working, you may need to consider a more drastic approach: poison. This method is risky though, as it relies on the Blackguard not paying attention to what they're eating, and there's a chance you may forget and eat the poisoned meal yourself. The good news is that most Blackguards don't think too hard about food, so if you form the base of the meal from a nice redmeat stew they will likely eat it without question. The best way to poison the stew is to use funeral bells as at least one of the ingredients. Funeral bells are a must because they are guaranteed to kill a Blackguard; anything less potent will be capable of killing you, while only giving the Blackguard nothing more than a bad stomachache.

11 minutes ago, traugdor said:

Am I just the camp mom now? I'm already sorting the storage...

Hmmmm...have you seen any Malefactors poking around? They're very hard to catch in the act, but they have a penchant for shiny things.

[Maelstrom]

48 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

The best way to poison the stew is to use funeral bells as at least one of the ingredients. Funeral bells are a must because they are guaranteed to kill a Blackguard; anything less potent will be capable of killing you, while only giving the Blackguard nothing more than a bad stomachache.

I will add Death Caps as an alternative.  As their name implies they are very toxic.  Both of these tend to be rather magical in nature as the blackguard will be sent back to the point of appearing, which if it is near your current locale may not discourage them from stealing your food and could actually anger them.  Low calorie meals like only grain porridges and vegetable stews are frustrating low calorie foods for blackguards and a steady diet of such may inspire them to start cooking for themselves.

[traugdor]

32 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

may inspire them to start cooking for themselves.

yeah so I offered to let her cook her own food, but when I asked, "Are you gonna eat that?", she just turned to me and said, "Yup" and proceeded to slurp down the entire contents of the cookpot without even so much as a pause to breathe. It was truly horrifying to watch. Also all the food stores have been thoroughly raided and all that's left are a few grains and berries. I'm starting to contemplate keeping a crock or two with emergency rations under my bed.

[EDIT]

I just checked outside and the pigs we have in our pen are already labeled Bacon, More Bacon, and Stew. I didn't put these labels on them. I guess they're her pigs now.

Edited January 10 by traugdor

[Oofishy]

I love how everyone here is referring to them like you would a wolf or a bear

2 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

The best way to poison the stew is to use funeral bells as at least one of the ingredients

I fed my brother a fly agaric stew once, it worked great 

[Maelstrom]

For the past 2+ years I've played exclusively blackguard and the first run world as blackguard drilled into me the importance of foraging constantly.  For the first time I'm playing hunter in my current world, but have the habit of collecting ever single calorie providing food I can find.  Welp, mushrooms are very plentiful in my area and I was gathering them to my hearts content, especially having a storage vessel on day 3.  Cooked up some veggie porridge using some of them mushrooms and my first bite resulted in a point of damage.  "Music?" I thought bewildered as I looked around for the drifter despite it being broad daylight.  Didn't see any and thought I had triggered some fall damage from a stone or something.  A bit later took another meal from the cook pot and... "Music AGAIN?!  What the?!"  Looked at the cook pot and saw a less than agreeable mushroom.  Whoopsies.

[LadyWYT]

12 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

the first run world as blackguard drilled into me the importance of foraging constantly.

This is why I end up fighting raccoons for the berry bushes in the earliest stages of the game. Especially in colder starting locations.

[Bumber]

5 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

"Music?" I thought bewildered as I looked around for the drifter despite it being broad daylight.

*approaches stew*
"Why am I hearing boss music?"