What's Your Humorous Story?

[Maelstrom]

Yeeeeeaaahhhh...  The flute was in the saddlebag.  D'OH!

Edited May 21, 2025 by Maelstrom

[majestik]

My funny story is a real Man vs Wild moment.

So I established my base near a spawn zone of deers, so I decided to do a big old "hole in the ground" trap, 3x3 and 4 deep. It works for deers, small wildlife and even wolves. Great ! I go on with my life, and one day, not so far from home I spot a damn brown bear. First one I see so close to home, and i'm not comfortable to have him hang around. It's my territory after all. But I am not able to take him on 1v1, i'm still with improvised armor and copper spear. And then I think : I have a trap ! And after a bit of wiki-checking, I now know that bears have only a step height of 3... It's worth a try. So I provoke him, run like hell and it worked ! Bear is trapped ! 

And now I have a problem : how do I kill it without risking a oneshot? My weapons aren't strong enough for now... And then a brillant idea come to me ! I have big stacks of stones, because I started mining and collecting them for later. And I know they only deal like one damage but I don't have other solutions so... I stoned it to death and even if it is silly, it felt really satisfactory 

[Never Jhonsen]

Thanks game Really love how far you sent me here. All that work to get a translocator fixed, and you helped my travel a *checks notes* 3 minute distance.

[majestik]

1 hour ago, Never Jhonsen said:

Thanks game Really love how far you sent me here. All that work to get a translocator fixed, and you helped my travel a *checks notes* 3 minute distance.

I totally relate, the first translocator on my recent world also sent me that kind of close distance :')

[Rudometkin]

This doesn't account for much, but I was just watching one of my older videos of when I was just learning Vintage Story about 4 hours into my first world, and I just realized I casually referred to my 'club' as a 'bat' without realizing it at one point. As I was preparing to go outside and collect some dirt/clay, I got super nervous about the morning red sky, thinking I was therefore in my first temporal storm. So as I was gearing up to go outside, I was looking over my inventory: "We got uh, we got a flint shovel...all kinds of uh, we got a bat". Then I later went on to throw a bunch of stones at a mushroom thinking it was a raccoon.

Edited July 3, 2025 by Rudometkin

[7embre]

4 hours ago, Rudometkin said:

Then I later went on to throw a bunch of stones at a mushroom thinking it was a raccoon.

That part is brilliant 

[Rudometkin]

On 7/3/2025 at 4:24 AM, 7embre said:

That part is brilliant 

I just made a gif of that exact moment for everyone's viewing pleasure.

[Maelstrom]

On 3/11/2025 at 6:14 AM, Broccoli Clock said:

It's the alliteration that got you, @Maelstrom, isn't it? 

Going to admit, if ranting about the stupid positions I find myself in is worthy content on here then I may be increasing my post count considerably.

Still waiting.    Where da stories bruh?  

[Teh Pizza Lady]

I'm just now remembering that my spawn point is at a trader wagon just outside of the big nasty location in Chapter 2. We have a long ride home and there's a temporal storm coming some time in the near future. I can't wait to get part of the way home only to have to turn around and camp in the village.

[Vratislav]

40 minutes ago, traugdor said:

I'm just now remembering that my spawn point is at a trader wagon just outside of the big nasty location in Chapter 2. We have a long ride home and there's a temporal storm coming some time in the near future. I can't wait to get part of the way home only to have to turn around and camp in the village.

Still, nothing is more fun that the cruel difference between remembered and real spawn point...

It happened me at least three times that I have returned from some journey requesting spawn point setting, jumped into mundane tasks around the base... and in two, three days got killed by a bear or in the temporal storm, or even in some haphazard spelunking (because why not, when I am just next to the base) - and then realized that my actual spawn point is somewhere several thousand blocks away...   

Maybe, some of us need something like MAIN spawn point, where we pull three temporal gears to the same spot saying "This (one gear down) is MY (second gear down) fcng. spawn! (third gear down) point! do you understand!" And then, wherever we set temporary spawn, after returning to the 50 blocks distance to the base, our spawn point will be reset to the main location. Home, sweet home!

Edited July 21, 2025 by Vratislav

[Teh Pizza Lady]

3 hours ago, Vratislav said:

Still, nothing is more fun that the cruel difference between remembered and real spawn point...

It happened me at least three times that I have returned from some journey requesting spawn point setting, jumped into mundane tasks around the base... and in two, three days got killed by a bear or in the temporal storm, or even in some haphazard spelunking (because why not, when I am just next to the base) - and then realized that my actual spawn point is somewhere several thousand blocks away...   

Maybe, some of us need something like MAIN spawn point, where we pull three temporal gears to the same spot saying "This (one gear down) is MY (second gear down) fcng. spawn! (third gear down) point! do you understand!" And then, wherever we set temporary spawn, after returning to the 50 blocks distance to the base, our spawn point will be reset to the main location. Home, sweet home!

I've been dabbling in modding... maybe I'll make a mod out of this idea.

[Parenn]

On 7/3/2025 at 2:03 AM, majestik said:

I totally relate, the first translocator on my recent world also sent me that kind of close distance :')

My first translocator moved me to deep under a lake, about 1000 blocks away (10 minutes by elk?). The cave was full of horrible creatures, and I noped out of there straight away and never returned.

Edited July 22, 2025 by Parenn

[Vratislav]

6 hours ago, Parenn said:

My first translocator moved me to deep under a lake

I have such setting about 200 blocks next to the base in the actual gameplay. Found three (!) translocators just in the same area (two about 20 blocks apart almost in the same level, third one conviniently close to surface. So I was like "finally, I will get great transportation hub, build a station there or whatever!"...

Two of them ended under the ocean. Tthird one in a bit worthless location at the north, in the opposite direction than all lore destinations and without worthwhile resources. 

[DFlux]

Latest world:  Bears herded me towards an ultra rich copper vein by accident.

So I decided to start a new world after having some frustration with my current save(numerous iron shafts and no iron, plus logistics nightmares of having to go across a huge body of water to get to it, plus no lime sources at all and only a single borax surface vein for leather making), I settled down near pink marble on the surface only for a bear to attack me.  Seeing that its also a cold spawn location I decided to head south and built in a small forest, also bad idea, bear spawned right next to the second rammed earth hut so I ended up heading east to a large pond.

A bear spawned on the small blue-clay island at the center of it inspite there being like no forests around, so I chased it off with some spears and clever use of rammed earth towers.  took my entire supply of flint and bear still didn't die, he's now camping up over the hill opposite of my rammed earth house and contently out of view.

I finally get copper from the bits on the ground and prospected around the pond, and very first propick search was very high copper and decent bismuthinite.  Then found ultra-high copper and high bismuthinite just about 100 blocks east.  I would NEVER have gone this far if not for the bears and weather and now i'm effectively set and I could even make bismuth bronze by just panning the sphelerite!  Thanks bears!

[Echo Weaver]

For a long time, I've been hearing drifters in my base more often than not. I assumed there was a cave beneath the base within earshot. For a week or so, it was silent, and I set aside my plan to dig down from a likely spot.

Well, after a high rift activity night, we started hearing a shiver inside the base. I started my digging exploration and got pretty far down with no cave. Then my teen noticed that shiver spikes were poking out of the wall of the forge.

So.... When building out the forge, I ran out of cobblestone blocks and filled in one spot of wall with a slab set flush with the rest of the wall. Then I forgot about it.

It turns out that rift beats can spawn in the half-block gap between the slab and the dirt on the other side of the wall.

That's some contortionist drifters.

[DFlux]

On 7/22/2025 at 11:49 AM, DFlux said:

Latest world:  Bears herded me towards an ultra rich copper vein by accident.

So I decided to start a new world after having some frustration with my current save(numerous iron shafts and no iron, plus logistics nightmares of having to go across a huge body of water to get to it, plus no lime sources at all and only a single borax surface vein for leather making), I settled down near pink marble on the surface only for a bear to attack me.  Seeing that its also a cold spawn location I decided to head south and built in a small forest, also bad idea, bear spawned right next to the second rammed earth hut so I ended up heading east to a large pond.

A bear spawned on the small blue-clay island at the center of it inspite there being like no forests around, so I chased it off with some spears and clever use of rammed earth towers.  took my entire supply of flint and bear still didn't die, he's now camping up over the hill opposite of my rammed earth house and contently out of view.

I finally get copper from the bits on the ground and prospected around the pond, and very first propick search was very high copper and decent bismuthinite.  Then found ultra-high copper and high bismuthinite just about 100 blocks east.  I would NEVER have gone this far if not for the bears and weather and now i'm effectively set and I could even make bismuth bronze by just panning the sphelerite!  Thanks bears!

Followup on the nature of my luck as I kept the old save file and went back to it.  I dug directly below the only borax mine I had mentioned in this post only to find a bountiful Hematite mine(Yes, likely everything is under that really huge body of water, theres also "decent" hematite on the exact polar opposite of that water but the ultra thick forests are nearly impassible and filled with wolves, and I had no leather for a REALLY long time and so I was dying near instantly to wolf ambushes in that world, so of course I use the super slow raft to bypass the ultra lethal forests everywhere).

So I decided to continue it, and went north-west where I originally had NOTHING in prospecting hits, found Magnetite, i'm like "ok" when I see very high.  Then I see ultra high as I keep digging shafts ever 20 blocks, before upping it to 25, it took me about 15 shafts in total to finally find magnetite that meant running rather than swimming/rafting across.  All the while having taken a brown bear out, oh, the brown bear.....

I encounter the bear on the way home from the mines, I make nerd pillar, get bow out, start shootin, and as i'm down to about 2 shots maybe even just 1 shot away from downing the thing, the game weather RNG decides I'm not killing it this time, and fogs the whole world up to a point I could not even see 3 meters in front of me!  :(.

  So I run back for the night, craft up about 24 more iron arrows, kill a chicken or two before readying to return.  I dig a proper bear pit trap for the brown bear who escaped, shoot him, he chases me, falls into the trap.  Only  two more arrows he goes down.  Ok, cool.  So I keep going back to the magnetite mines, after 15 attempts finally find magnetite.  YIPPY!  So i go home, check my linen stockpiles and decide to upgrade my helve hammer.

Only problem, one, teeny problem, I needed 1 more resin to complete the upgrade to a 'dual windmill' helve hammer.  So I go, run south, get one piece of resin from the south dockyard I know of and make home poste haste, I finish that upgrade but, oh, it works super well, YAY, but I need to make more iron.  I try to process hematite and magnetite in same bloomery, nope, game wont let me do that, ok, so I just dump all the magnetite I mined into a few bloomeries.....Only Uh, the teeny problem now wind went to absolute ZERO when it was at over 50% earlier!

So I wait a bit, spend more time gathering extra hematite from the south mines and return, wind is back, YAY!  But oh, heavy temporal storm approaching -.-.  I go into glass casket and afk for about 15 minutes, storm passes, wind back down to perfect zero :(.

Oh yeah that brown bear respawned all in that mean time and I had to lead it into the trap a second time, I don't even think 10 days had passed, I was left thinking "Hey, didn't I kick your ass 10 days ago?". (In second screenshot, circles are magnetite searches, including the "decent" area that was a 'much' further trip from base)

Edited August 4, 2025 by DFlux

[DFlux]

Oh yes!  On that hunters world the only lime is at layers 5-12, because RNG decided all metamorphic rock would be at BOTTOM of the world!

[Maelstrom]

Clay is Quite the Shy Guy

In another post someplaces else on these here forums, I've mentioned Clay is pretty shy and doesn't do pottery.   Welp.   I didn't realize just how shy a guy Clay really is.   You see, my day one priority is to gather copious amounts of flint, sticks, grass, reeds and enough food to survive the first night, then find a clay deposit to dig my first *ahem* hobbit hole in where I form my first clay items and knap plenty of tool heads for the second day foraging, scrounging and general adventurings.

In my newest world I spawn in a decent enough place and begin scrounging and foraging for said items while keeping an eye out for a suitable clay deposit - meaning the first deposit I find.  Well, on my first day I get a decent supply of flint, sticks and reeds but no sight of clay by about 2:00 pm, so I start to run.  And run.   And run some more.   Followed by, you guessed it, more running.  No. Clay. In. Sight.   At all!  I found high fertility soil, a pack of wolves, limestone, another pack of wolves then some bees running from the pack of wolves.  Some ore vessels with sphalerite (grumph).   Some more wolves!  Yes that forest was at least 500 blocks wide.  Saw a couple of surface copper deposits as I sped by at 120 bpm (blocks per minute).  Lots of flax, fruit, veggies and those dual purpose magic mushrooms - death cap.  

BUT NO FREAKING CLAY!!!

Finally, after the sun had set and the risk of drifters beginning to appear I found my bestest bud in all the first day world - CLAY!!!   How I missed you!   And began digging only to have to run 20 blocks to get a block of dirt to keep Clyde and Bonnie from dropping in on me. Those two are the WORST! 

 

Clay decided he would put down roots over 2,000 blocks from spawn, the bastard. 

 

 

 

Almost starved that first night.  Thanks Clay, you bastard!

 

 

 

 

Clay isn't my bestie anymore.

Edited August 4, 2025 by Maelstrom

[LadyWYT]

2 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Clay decided he would put down roots over 2,000 blocks from spawn, the bastard. 

Sounds like the world I've been mod-testing on. Plenty of goodies, but no clay at all for seemingly miles around, despite spawn being a grassland with almost constant rain. Finally found a couple of deposits about a day's jog over the hill, dug some up and brought back home. What do I find the next day, right next to my base though? Clay! 

So I do agree, Clay's a shifty dude.

[Maelstrom]

You describe VS in general

 

[Echo Weaver]

So, my teenager and I take a trip through a translocator so that I can mine bauxite for making steel. I get going on a mine, and as agreed my teen explores the area, looking for ruins and traders, since we STILL haven't found the Treasure Hunter Trader. Also hunting whatever she can find because we need fat.

I'm well on my way to filling my miner's sack with bauxite, and the teen gets bored. She says, "What if I run home?"

I say, "That's a long way, isn't it?"

She says, "It's not that bad." If we zoom all the way out on the map, we can get our location almost visible at the same time. Hmm.

I say, "It's high rift activity."

She says, "It won't matter if I keep running."

I say, "Your hunger will go down fast if you run that long."

She says, "I have 10 raw fish AND A DREAM."

So off she goes for a run. Whenever she grabs a bit of forage along the way, she adds it to her list: "I have 8 fish, 6 berries, 4 turnips AND A DREAM!"

Meanwhile, I mine more bauxite. As the sun starts to set, I take my haul and return via the translocator. The teen continues to run.

At about this point, I should mention that it's November 9. As she runs through the night, she starts to freeze, and she can't stop to build a fire because she's surrounded by drifters. She ends up digging straight down and entombing herself in dirt to slowly warm up. Twice.

Then, as she's approaching the edge of our current mapped area, we get the temporal storm warning. She has low health and is maintaining a hunger bar of 1. Now the race is really on to get back to base before the storm hits. 

To make a long story, less long, she squeaks through the door at 1 minute left. We had a nicely profitable storm, and I was the only one who died.

Afterward, teen says, "I have 5 raw fish. I had a dream, but I ate it."

As an epilogue, she ran into 4 traders on her straight shot run, and ONE WAS THE TREASURE HUNTER.

So we're off to find tin so we can make a tin bronze pickaxe.

[LadyWYT]

10 hours ago, Echo Weaver said:

As an epilogue, she ran into 4 traders on her straight shot run, and ONE WAS THE TREASURE HUNTER.

So we're off to find tin so we can make a tin bronze pickaxe.

What I want to do one of these days, since I'm pretty sure that treasure hunters sell pickaxes, is buy a tin bronze pickaxe from a treasure hunter...and then give it right back to him to complete the quest. What purpose would this serve? Does it logically make sense? Couldn't I just find my own minerals to make a pickaxe, or buy one from a different trader? Well I suppose I could do those things, but then it wouldn't be funny. As for the logic behind it...I assume it's just the trader's odd way of shaking down the player for a few extra gears.

[Never Jhonsen]

25 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

I'm pretty sure that treasure hunters sell pickaxes

Unfortunately that's the Survival Goods trader who sells them. The Treasure Hunter DOES buy them however, so that may have been what you were thinking

26 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

What I want to do one of these days [...] is buy a tin bronze pickaxe from a treasure hunter...and then give it right back to him to complete the quest

Loving the control of power here

"Yeah you'll need to give my a tin bronze pick ifya wanna know where this treasure spot is."  
* buys one, then hands it to him*  
"Ahh. So I see. um. Well."

[LadyWYT]

27 minutes ago, Never Jhonsen said:

Unfortunately that's the Survival Goods trader who sells them. The Treasure Hunter DOES buy them however, so that may have been what you were thinking

Darn. There goes that plan!  Then again the treasure hunters are probably very confused given that my latest method of completing the quest, for testing purposes, has been just summoning a tin bronze pickaxe out of thin air, right before their very eyes. This...this might be why there are so many wild rumors about the abilities of seraphs, now that I think about it.

[Echo Weaver]

13 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

What I want to do one of these days, since I'm pretty sure that treasure hunters sell pickaxes, is buy a tin bronze pickaxe from a treasure hunter...and then give it right back to him to complete the quest.

12 hours ago, Never Jhonsen said:

Unfortunately that's the Survival Goods trader who sells them. The Treasure Hunter DOES buy them however, so that may have been what you were thinking

I would totally buy the pickaxe from another trader to fulfill the quest and still consider it funny, just because of the implication that this is a test of your tech level before you can advance. One thing we do not lack after searching so long for the Treasure Hunter is rusty gears.

Sadly, we've found like 4 Artisans, but I'm pretty sure no Survival Goods. It feels like traders do not spawn with equal probability. Or maybe RNG is just laughing at us.