What's Your Humorous Story?

[Echo Weaver]

33 minutes ago, ifoz said:

Yes. Yes it is. 

The bellhead killed me underground, and then my dead body landed in metal spikes. My working theory is that since metal spikes constantly try to do damage when you touch them, they were amplifying the already massive knockback while I was dead.
Then when I respawned, I was thrown into the air, only to die again on impact. 

Oh, wow, the rest of the story is even better.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

Guys, the blackguard is at it again.

So my blackguard friend doesn't. Even. Like. Porridge.

But I do, especially when I need to get my grain nutrition stat up. We have Expanded Stomach mod installed (since I'm the main dev ) and her stomach size is probably over triple mine. Any food she eats has a MUCH smaller impact towards filling her up than mine does. So of course when I made porridge I knew a pot of six servings would fill me up. I even told her, "I'm making myself some porridge. I have another pot of food for you in the other firepit." I let it cook and went to lie down because it was getting late.

The door to our house opens and closes and I hear munching sounds. 

Weird. Her meaty stew hadn't finished cooking yet. I look down and see her nameplate right by where my porridge is... well... was. I called out, "HEY! Are you eating my porridge!"

The munching and bowl scraping sounds stop. "No...?", came the reply. She came upstairs and slid into her own bed and went to sleep looking very sheepish. "It didn't even taste that good, like disappointment", she said before drifting off.

I rolled my eyes and went to sleep with an alternative plan in mind to steal the entire pot of meaty stew with veggies that I'd made for her the next morning.

EDIT: I just checked... her stomach size is maxed out at 5500 satiety, meaning that if you add the base game's satiety of 1500, she can eat 7000 satiety in one sitting. She ate 6 servings of red meat stew in one sitting and had room for dessert. I have no idea what to do or how to keep her fed now. I'm living with an Olympic-level competition eater I think.

Edited November 5, 2025 by Teh Pizza Lady

[LadyWYT]

18 hours ago, Teh Pizza Lady said:

"I'm making myself some porridge. I have another pot of food for you in the other firepit."

One critical thing you forgot to mention, is that said porridge was in the doggy bowl by the front door. Y'know, where the snacking food tends to be.

[FairyKairi]

Well, I think the screenshot speaks for itself, but I WILL mention that the male deer spawned in there, lol.  I was coming back from making my SECOND farm plot after I barely survived my first Winter (I removed all the Tule within a 200-block radius of my base in order to do so) and found him in there with my Generation 1 pigs.  I only had ONE arrow at the time, so he is still there when I quit the game a few days later.  Arrowheads are my problem, apparently.  I have not started the story proper yet, though that is on the agenda once my first crops for the season are ready to harvest.

 

[Teh Pizza Lady]

3 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

One critical thing you forgot to mention, is that said porridge was in the doggy bowl by the front door. Y'know, where the snacking food tends to be.

IT WAS A COOKPOT AND YOU KNOW IT

next time, i'm making pizza and taking it with me before I go to bed

Edited November 6, 2025 by Teh Pizza Lady

[Maelstrom]

Apparently @LadyWYT admitted to being a dog?

 

13 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

said porridge was in the doggy bowl

 

just sayin'

[LadyWYT]

1 hour ago, Maelstrom said:

Apparently @LadyWYT admitted to being a dog?

 

 

just sayin'

I would leave the Haha, but Wolfbait is just too much to resist for the context! 

[LadyWYT]

Going Ham

There I was, freshly spawned in a new world, with a fresh list of mods ready for the tinkering. Now it's not terribly unusual to immediately run into hostile wildlife, however, said hostile wildlife is usually of the canine or ursine variety, and not porcine. This time, however, it was an angry boar, and while boar themselves aren't much of a threat in Vintage Story, they are just a bit concerning when one has no proper weapons. So I did what any self-respecting Blackguard would do...

...I simply picked up a stick, beat the creature to death, and then threw it on the grill. If only I had some barbecue sauce.

Edited November 6, 2025 by LadyWYT

[Maelstrom]

3 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

I would leave the Haha, but Wolfbait is just too much to resist for the context! 

Thaaanks.   Now everyone is wolfbaiting that post.  

Edited November 6, 2025 by Maelstrom

[Teh Pizza Lady]

10 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Thaaanks.   Now everyone is wolfbaiting that post.  

Who let the dogs out?

woof woof

[BiancaMoon]

Started to play just recently again with a fresh playthrough and have 2. I went in to game blind not wanting to know about any new additions.

Maybe two days in I have just dirt four two block walls and that janky door that pops out as a temporary home. It worked in the past to keep the drifters out, and open roof helped them not to spawn in during the day, as well as various clutter on the ground. As I am clayforming the wiggly freak walking on all fours drops trough the celling. The inside of that structure looked like a washing machine for a few seconds after which it started to spazz on the floor. Just in like a horror movie I started slowly approaching like, wtf is it dying? Just for it to spring back up and start chasing me again. I finally opened the door and run out.

 

I finished the Resonance archive and have carried as much of the loot out. Now I am back with the elk to get the rest. As I finally get to the entrance which is on this very steep mountain side, and it is middle of the night, I say to my self - Now just don't die. The moment I say that I hear a growl, unlike anything before. The first taught was some sort of lion or a tiger has been added to the game, maybe a snow leopard on the mountain. I box my self in with dirt, I hear the growl outside more. I put my plate on, I pet talk to my self I can do it, I dig out and start looking for the deadly mob imagining all sorts of things. I found a growling white mountain goat...

[Metalton]

World #12

As I pour the molten copper into the mold, "Yes! I have made copper age (again)! Yes, my plan to dominate this world and build a massive mega city begins!"

I ponder for a moment. "Perhaps... perhaps it was a little.. too easy this time. Sure I fiddled with the settings to make it a little easier on purpose.. but.. No! This is my forever world (this time). I'm sticking with it.

World #24

I spawn in. "Well, this looks promising. Yes, yes this world will do"

-Rawr-

Congratulations, you have died!

"Ok, this world's gone on principle"

World #34

"Aha! This is it! Red, blue and fire clay literally -Right Here-. Strong ping for iron practically in my backyard. This is it, this is the "One""

World #47

"Ah hell... time to collect some cattails again.."

World #53

......

[Maelstrom]

@Metalton  That was freaking hilarious!!!!    Good show!

I assume you play permadeath?

[Metalton]

9 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

@Metalton  That was freaking hilarious!!!!    Good show!

I assume you play permadeath?

Heh, some of my worlds have been pseudo-permadeath (5000 or 10000 respawn radius).. Problem is I keep flip flopping on the settings (or my start was too easy.. or too challenging.. or.. or.. or).. and I don't like changing the "rules" (/my rules) for any given world.. So, I keep starting over

I'm kind of my own permadeath setting..

(Edit: Full disclosure: I have "changed the rules" on a world or two.. but inevitably feel like I cheated myself.. so, end up starting over anyway..)

Edited November 8, 2025 by Metalton

[Professor Dragon]

I've complained previously about not being able to make a room safe from rust monsters.

I'm now beginning to think that I can't make a room safe at all.  

Behold, two water deer in my inner sanctum.

 

At least they had the courtesy to colour match.

They are now in their own pen just outside with a trough of carrots, awaiting more permanent quarters.

Professor Dragon.

 

 

[Metalton]

Once upon a time in a random world, on a dark night, I sat (hiding) in my small mud hut. As I watched drifters ineffectively throw themselves at the crude door, I contemplated my tasks at daylight in this new world. Knowing I had raised the stakes on this world's difficulty I knew I'd have to play it extra cautiously. I stood up still watching the door, when I heard a shiver skittering behind the hut. I turned to look in its direction thinking to direct mean thoughts at it through the wall while I (hid) waited in safety for dawn.

It was then that I noticed the shivers head poking through the back wall.

"Huh.. that's weird"

I watched curiously as the shiver step up through the wall and into my small hut.

"Uh oh.. Not good"

I fumbled through my inventory items briskly swinging my shovel at it. Then a stick. Before finally landing a hit with my spear.

I then found myself respawning 10000 blocks away.. empty handed.. in the dark.. with drifters moaning nearby..

"Make it more difficult I said.. Play it super cautious and it'll be more rewarding in the end I said.. *grumble* *grumble*"

Wisely choosing a random direction away from the drifters I began running.

"Shiver cheated *grumble*"

......

Edited November 9, 2025 by Metalton

[BiancaMoon]

Well I have another one. Sow had babies as I was putting the food in. A lot of pigs were around. I became pig food.

Edit: I have one, not funny, but a bit of a brain fart. I finished the chapter two pondering why was the bird thing called Mad Cow.... Somehow during the whole fight I managed to misread its name.

Edited November 10, 2025 by BiancaMoon

[Maelstrom]

Yeah.   Mommas be protectin' the kids.  Boars will too.

[LadyWYT]

30 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

Yeah.   Mommas be protectin' the kids. 

Unless it's a quokka, that is.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

7 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

Unless it's a quokka, that is.

then the kids are ammo

[Teh Pizza Lady]

I'm beginning to think that @Tyron put the text about the crude door only having an 8% chance of falling off its hinges to troll us.

Because I thought the final finishing touch on the outhouse would be perfect with a crude door. Turns out it was the perfect source of about 10 solid minutes of good laughs.

So, as with every server I play on, I have to make an outhouse. This one has a mind of it's own I think. I built it to my blackguard friend's exacting specifications:

• Deep hole
• Makeshift shelter
• Crude door.

That last one is important. It HAS to be a crude door.

At first I made it so that the first time my blackguard friend entered it, she would be standing on the trapdoor and would click it and fall through.  But she's not buying it. I open the door to demonstrate that it's safe and...

the door falls off its hinges.

I put it back. Try to open it again.

It falls off its hinges.

I put it back AGAIN. I opened it AGAIN. It stays. So, I climb inside, demonstrate that the trap door is perfectly safe, etc etc. Walk back out and close the door.

It falls off its hinges......                     ...... again.

 

So either I have the WORST luck possible, or that was a typo and it's closer to an 80% chance of falling off the hinges.

Either way the timing was comedic.

 

EDIT: After she logged out and went to bed. I saw the door was open and I thought... "I have to close it."

You guessed it.... It fell of its hinges again.

Edited November 11, 2025 by Teh Pizza Lady

[Echo Weaver]

10 hours ago, Teh Pizza Lady said:

I'm beginning to think that @Tyron put the text about the crude door only having an 8% chance of falling off its hinges to troll us.

This is my exact experience with those !@#$ doors. I installed Crude Building Elements just to give myself an alternative. 

-100 do not like those doors.

[LadyWYT]

10 hours ago, Teh Pizza Lady said:

EDIT: After she logged out and went to bed. I saw the door was open and I thought... "I have to close it."

You guessed it.... It fell of its hinges again.

And this is why you always use crude doors when playing with friends.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

1 hour ago, Echo Weaver said:

This is my exact experience with those !@#$ doors. I installed Crude Building Elements just to give myself an alternative. 

-100 do not like those doors.

But it's funnier that way! Especially when you can make jokes and memes about blackguards not knowing how to use doors and just blowing them off their hinges!

[Echo Weaver]

10 minutes ago, Teh Pizza Lady said:

But it's funnier that way! Especially when you can make jokes and memes about blackguards not knowing how to use doors and just blowing them off their hinges!

Well, usually I'm playing solo, so I have no one to meme about but myself.