What's Your Humorous Story?

[Thorfinn]

Think I'm seeing a pattern here...

[BiznesTelch]

On 1/21/2025 at 9:50 AM, Ryan Thomas said:

I have one, not exactly a knee-slapper, but i think it's kinda cute.

I like to build modern contemporary towns. A male and female goat spawned in my agriculturalist's home:

 

 

Thats their house now, you gotta file with the local police station to get them out.

[Vratislav]

After update my 1.19 world to 1.20, I had some late evening errand to trader behind a forest. I was returning in an almost dark, lights of my base on horizon, when seeing a glimpse of a rabbit running away from large dark spot. Coming closer, there was a dead wolf, lying on the path. I turned around to check for dangers, but there was silence everywhere. Did not try to follow the rabbit: most probably it was a killing rabbit of Caerbannog. 

[Vratislav]

On 1/20/2025 at 12:17 AM, Chuckerton said:

My chickens got struck by lightning

I built a base on an edge of large elevated plain, with chicken and rabbits located in neatly fenced enclosures. In August of the first summer, storm came that lasted several days of heavy rain and thunderbolts. Once in the morning, I came to feed my poor poultry. There was nothing more than charred bodies, that provided only some feathers and bones. Rabbits were struck do death too. 

So I went to catch some other chickens and rabbits, renewed the population and though that such things are so rare they will not happen again. To protect the animals more, I built a cobblestone hennery with straw roof, assuming that in the worst case lightnings will turn the roof into fire, but not kill the animals.

Winter passed calmly, the same for the spring. Then, a rainy season appeared again. Long story short, the killing lightning came again and killed poultry on the same spot second time, through the roof.

This time, at least some little rabbits survived, but for the poultry, I had to run the round with traps third time. Yeah, and I have built the lightning rod finally. Because if something improbable happens, in VS it will happen again!
 

Edited January 24, 2025 by Vratislav

[Maelstrom]

Clyde

Meet Clyde.  One night of high rift activity Clyde showed up with a couple of friends and, I'll assume the four legged thing with them was their mount.  The others weren't too keen on me and were quite rudely aggressive with their handshakes.  I won't go into what their mount did, but I assume it was an attempt at a lick of affection - aggressively so, like it's... uhhh... caretakers?  

But Clyde?  He's been a very loyal friend.  Not much help around the place so I had to fire him as my butler.  But he's always there to welcome me home from my adventures or daily chores around the place though, so I've decided to let him hang out.  It's nice to have a friendly face amidst the solitude.  He's also very kind to wish me well when I depart for places unknown for who knows how long and he's waiting right there when I gets back. 

 

 

Update:  Clyde decided to move on.  *sigh*  Alone once again.

Edited January 29, 2025 by Maelstrom

[Vratislav]

10 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Clyde decided to move on.

We definitely need a mechanics that prevents drifters from despawning. Maybe by feeding them rusty wheel?

[Maelstrom]

Clyde was bugged and didn't despawn even travelling over 100 blocks away.  Clyde died when I logged back into the game the following game session.

So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed
-Tie me Kangaroo Down, Sport

[Teh Pizza Lady]

The drunk hobo in the wine cellar

It all started with those weird little scratching sounds. You know the ones—like fingernails tapping on glass but somehow... wetter. Rift activity was high, and we all knew it meant trouble, but try as we might, we couldn't find the source. We checked every shadowy nook, every suspicious corner of the place. Nothing.

"I bet it's on the roof," I said, grabbing my lantern and climbing up. It seemed like a solid theory at the time. But as I stepped onto the shingles, all I got for my trouble was a face full of dust and a personal introduction to the local Bowtorn militia, who were apparently auditioning me for the role of "voodoo doll."

After a rather hasty retreat (and a few muttered curses about flying porcupines), I regrouped with the others. The scratching hadn't stopped, and our nerves were fraying faster than linen in a sawmill.

Then the blackguard asked, "Hey, have you checked the wine cellar?"

That idea got me laughing for a second. The wine cellar? Really? But desperate times call for desperate measures, so down I went, lantern in hand, half-expecting to find a spider nest or an empty hole.

What I found instead was... well, something else entirely.

Tucked in a dark corner was the Shiver. But this one wasn’t stalking, slashing, or doing any of the terrifying things Shivers are known for. No, this poor soul was curled up like a stray dog, twitching and glitching out as if it was stuck in the middle of a bad tick. Its head jerked, its limbs spasmed, and every now and then it let out this pitiful little groan that sounded like it had just lost an argument with reality itself.

It saw me standing there, lantern raised, but it didn’t lunge. It couldn’t. It just kept spazzing, jerking its head like it was arguing with ghosts, or maybe the ghost of bad decisions.

I called out to the others, "Uh, I found it!"

The Blackguard crowded in behind me, and we just stared. Then she muttered, "Looks like it got into the wine stash."

That’s all it took. We were doubled over laughing, whispering about the "drunk hobo in the wine cellar" while the Shiver twitched away like it had no idea what was happening.

Eventually, I figured it was kinder to put it out of its misery. One quick strike, and it was over. But for the rest of the night—and probably the rest of our lives—we’ll remember that Shiver not as some terrifying monster, but as the sad, twitchy hobo haunting the wine cellar.

Cheers to you, buddy. You’ll always be a legend.

-------

As I write this one of his drifter buddies is down there making a mess of things.... *sigh* here I go again...

Edited February 1, 2025 by traugdor

[Teh Pizza Lady]

I'm Starting To Dislike A Certain Blackguard

In the days before the storm, the Blackguard leaned in close to the Hunter, a mischievous glint in her eye. “It won’t take long,” she promised, “and we’ll be back before you know it!” Despite the looming threat—a Temporal Storm set to tear through the lands in just three days—the Blackguard was confident. After all, the Lazaret was only a day trek away, a day and a half at the most.

With a careless shrug and a defiant “To Heck with it, we ball,” they set off, ignoring the growing whispers of caution.

But fate, it seems, had a cruel sense of timing. As they finished the visit to the Lazaret, the Blackguard suggested they head for the village instead of returning home. "It'll be quicker than trying to get home in this mess. I think we can outrun the storm!", she exclaimed. Yet as they journeyed under a blanket of night, the tempest roared to life. Darkness swallowed the path whole, and every step became a dance with danger. Sinister Shivers and Bowtorn emerged from the shadows, each misstep threatening to spell their doom.

After what felt like an eternity, the storm finally relented. Still cloaked in darkness, they could just make out the silhouette of the village on the horizon. In that fragile moment of relief, as they regained their bearings and settled into the peaceful ways of the village, they learned their next destination: The Devastation.

With a glint in her eye, the Blackguard couldn’t resist one more impulse. “Hey, Hunter, we might as well check out the Devastation while we’re this far from home base, right?”

The Hunter’s patience snapped. Leveling an arrow at the Blackguard’s face, he growled, “Take it back... take it back right now!”

Yet, as often happens on these perilous journeys, they pressed on to visit the Devastation. As they traveled in silence, each doing their part to assist the other on the journey, the Hunter couldn’t help but wonder who, indeed, was really in charge of their fateful expedition.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

That's not a chiken!!!

Man I just wanted some eggies...

[Maelstrom]

Clyde is back!
 

But he's just passing through.  There was a whole horde of his... bodyguards I dispatched so they wouldn't slow him down in his journeys.

[LadyWYT]

4 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

But he's just passing through.  There was a whole horde of his... bodyguards I dispatched so they wouldn't slow him down in his journeys.

Clyde looks sad now...you should find him a friend!

[Vratislav]

Went the journey second time, hoping that in stable version and with my trusty Elkson, everything will be fine. After experiencing that the elk does not like galloping in the snow in stable versions, I have patiently waited to the second of March to leave my dear home, hoping that after the snow melted around the base, everything will be fresh green. Thus, I packed my winter garments to the trunk in my bedroom and dressed lightly to travel fast.

Well, that weather forecast was erroneous.

Spoiler

Before arrival to the Village, things went still well, but the Devastation

was located 7k blocks in the North. In this part of the journey, I had to pass two 1k block wide strips of deep snow, just generated to my inconvenience. Arrived to the location, made camp by a trader, who probably came to do furniture business with drifters and bowtons there, so he camped like 20 blocks from the begining of destroyed land. Brave guy! Last several hundred blocks were easy, and I was prepared to do the sports discipline I am notoriously bad in: yup, parkour. It took some attempts to get almost to the end, and time flied quickly, it was April already. 

And then the opportunity came: Why not to spice the bossfight with a little temporal stormie? Also, don't forget, that the winter decided to extend and the tower is high. So...

Spoiler

 

I got to the storm mid-fight, for the record, monsters were spawning in both timelines, but in pretty small number (they probably dispersed along particular floors).

But the most suprising thing was that the Crow cowardly run away at the beginning of the storm, as it was bigger problem for her than for me. An the Lens was loose, despite the Crow was about 3/4 of health. I am afraid that temporal storm is unhealthly for the Crow too, which means that she must suffer more, surrounded by monsters for many years. Poor thing. 

 

It was fun, though. Next time, I will try get the boss in January.

 

 

Edited February 12, 2025 by Vratislav

[Vratislav]

On 2/11/2025 at 2:53 AM, LadyWYT said:

Clyde looks sad now...you should find him a friend!

Defenitely needs a gift. Like temporal gear necklace or something that would make him more pleased.

Edited February 12, 2025 by Vratislav
typo

[Maelstrom]

Quote

"Why not leave the chunk and let them despawn?", I hear you all collectively cry, and you'd be right as that is the solution. However, after the 8th time of dying to semi-automatic javelin throws, I decided to make a run for it, only to be cut down again in less than 50m. Sure, I could have tried that again, put in a bit of 'bob and weave', shimmy my ass, but no... that 9th death, the one they peppered me with wooden stakes in the back, that's when it became personal.

Yes, I lost a lot of lives, yes my ego and my temporal gear supply is worse off, but damn it I'm not letting any perfidious pixel pirates, no freakishly-festooned firewood flinging fearmongers, get the better of me.

Excuse me while I spend the next few hours knapping some arrow heads...

courtesy of @Broccoli Clock

[Broccoli Clock]

It's the alliteration that got you, @Maelstrom, isn't it? 

Going to admit, if ranting about the stupid positions I find myself in is worthy content on here then I may be increasing my post count considerably.

[Maelstrom]

Not the alliteration.  You made me laugh.  

[ToothedMammal]

It was spring of year 0, I had only just spawned in a few days ago and was still figuring out the basics of survival...

I was sitting in a dirt pile I'd made for quick shelter, night was falling, there was thunder and lightning outside, and I could hear wolves nearby.

I'd happened upon some clay and decided to pass the time making a crock, id just built and lit the pit kiln when I realized I didn't have any food with me, and my hunger was rapidly reaching critical levels. I lamented my lack of forsight and mental prepared for the inevitable pain of starvation...and then I shit you not a rooster ran into my hut through the single block window I'd left open to observe the weather. The bird couldn't figure out how to leave so it ended up running circles around my pit kiln, where it immediately caught fire and died.

When I recovered from the shock I quickly butchered the bird and had a nice chicken dinner to tide me over till it was safe to explore again. I will never forget the sacrifice of that beautiful stupid chicken

[ToothedMammal]

There was also the time when I was ambushed by a steppe lion* after a fruitless round of prospecting below a frozen lake. We both ended up slipping and sliding across the ice like god damned loony toons before the cat eventually ended me.

I was pissed at the time but in hindsight that was a pretty funny way to go

 

*From the mod "Fauna of the Stone Age: Pantherinae" by Tentharchitect

[LadyWYT]

10 hours ago, Broccoli Clock said:

Going to admit, if ranting about the stupid positions I find myself in is worthy content on here then I may be increasing my post count considerably.

Please do, it was a really funny post!

[Maelstrom]

I intended this thread to be a place to have fun.   I find it ironic that the most painful events become the funniest stories and I want to share in the treasures of humor found from the pain that was experienced, such as my next story...

 

Bees, Bees, my *ahem* kingdom for some bees!

After I had created and destroyed a few worlds learning the game in 1.14.  I gen'd up a new world shortly before the 1.15 update.  It was a great seed as I planted my dirt survival hunt literally directly on top of a rich iron node.  Once my food supply wasn't so scarce I began hunting for my forever home location which was about 500 blocks to the east.  About 100 blocks north I found bees in a solitary birch next to a large lake.  Dropped a skep next to it, planted some flowers and chopped down just one log that was annoyingly in the way.  Did I mention that I was a newb to VS?  No?  Yeah, I was newb extraordinaire.  The leaves of the tree despawned very quickly and with it the beehive.  D'OH!  No the bees did not populate my skep when I ignorantly displaced the prized insects.

Over the course of the next few game months I searched high and low for bees.  Traipsing through hill and dale, carefully scouring the forests I came across until I finally heard that beautiful buzzing.   Only 3,000 blocks from home.  And the icing on the cake was a lack of skeps in my inventory.  Additionally no clay or reeds nearby either, soooo...  Run back home for a skep only to turn right around and run back to the newly found hive.  Only to have to make that trip not once but twice waiting for the skep to populate. grumblegrumbletrudgegrumblegrumbletrudgetrudge...  So I get home and drop that most precious construction of clay and reed housing of bees in my apiary.

The next summer I'm clearing out some bothersome pine trees about 50 blocks from my house to make way for some paths to important resources and traders.  I chopped down the first of the pine trees and am shocked at the appearance of 3 honeycomb that magically appeared in my inventory.  "Where the heck did those come from?  I didn't harvest any skeps lately, did I?  Nooooo.  Where? Wha?  Huh."  Chop down the next pine tree and now the honeycomb count magically turns into SIX!  Then it dawned on me...

There were beehives up there?!   CURSE YOU VINTAGE STORY!!!

Vintage Story replied...

 

Yeah.   Love you to Vintage Story.

Edited March 12, 2025 by Maelstrom

[Teh Pizza Lady]

4 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Then it dawned on me...

There were beehives up there?!

I did the same thing recently. Playing with a friend. She says she's got a few wild hives she wants to harvest.

> ok.jpeg
> check map
> don't see bee marker
> PINE TREES (I need them for my house)
> trim branches
> pick up sticks and pine cones
> don't look up
> start chopping
> hear buzzing. angry trumpets
> mfw I'm taking damage

> mfw I chopped down her beehives

[mavinhedge]

so I joined in to Vintage Story just at 1.20 came about, and as I want to do with a new obsession I was devouring quite a bit of information about the game. I have myself practically set to peaceful when it comes to hostiles since I'm notoriously bad at fighting. so I got used to shooing drifters off my property with a good smack like they were more of an annoyance than anything. I'd looked up and familiarized myself with the different enemies I could come across. 

well imagine my surprise then as I come out of my house, round the farm towards to pigs to have something LONG AND LANKY just standing in the dark of 4am like some sort of misshapen Slenderman. Actual scream of terror, the thing was as tall as one of my trees. I shot an arrow off in the dark, but since I forgot a light the damn thing was gone before I could get a closer look. I felt insane as I went over the wiki, tried to describe what it was to see if anyone else had seen it. did I have an encounter with some sort of game cryptid no one has mentioned? it was too far to have it's name pop up for me, what on earth was this terrifying creature in the dark?

friends, it was a Shiver that was in its standing upright position. I have never felt so much fear in my peaceful run as not being able to identify a creature properly. they still give me the heebie jeebies. that scene is probably stamped into my Seraphs nightmares.

[LadyWYT]

6 hours ago, traugdor said:

> mfw I chopped down her beehives

In my defense, this is not why I've utterly failed at securing a population of bees before winter moved in. There are several other beehives on our world, I just haven't gotten around to placing skeps near any of them(despite them being within walking distance), as I keep getting utterly distracted by various other things. One of those being...

The Bear Incident

I was walking around minding my own business, just foraging for food and materials in the local forest, when I intruded upon a black bear's nap. Dear reader, despite playing my usual Blackguard, I must note that this was still very earlier in the game, and I have naught but a copper falx and a single tailored gambeson chestpiece to protect myself. The ensuing battle was fierce, the bear was very angry, and as I stumbled backwards into the nearby lake shallows I swear I could hear the world spawn calling. However, death was not my fate that day, as one last desperate swing of the falx dispatched the beast. By some miracle I was still alive, at just under one hitpoint, with high rift activity and darkness approaching. Thankfully, home wasn't too far away, and so was my hunter friend with the first aid kit.

Never underestimate the power of a few extra health points and a bit of armor! It could be the difference between life and death!

6 hours ago, mavinhedge said:

friends, it was a Shiver that was in its standing upright position.

Welcome to the forums! I forgot some of them did that...until I saw one do it in broad daylight during a temporal storm. I thought it was a bear at first...it wasn't...and it despawned once it finished standing up, which made the whole encounter even creepier.

[Maelstrom]

Falling with Style?

A visual humorous story.

 

Nice view isn't it?  Not so much when the big horn sheep behind you gets overly protective of his personal space and launches you into that oh so beautiful view you're looking at and you land THERE!  Yes you see a fence directly below me and yes that hard headed sheep launched me over it.  The cross hairs is about where I landed.

 

Pretty nice view of where I came from.

 

He's in timeout now.  Stoopid, friggin' sheep!

Edited March 15, 2025 by Maelstrom