What's Your Humorous Story?

[LadyWYT]

3 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Nothing.  This thing just upped and poofed out of existence just as rudely as it poofed into existence.   

Sounds like you've found a haunted forest as well. Maybe they keep crawling out of caves, but part of me wonders if the light levels in dense forests are just low enough for the occasional monster to spawn in daylight, even without rift activity.

 

3 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

So I was in my fantasy mod world figuring out my forever home so I can move out of the cave I dug in the hillock. 

Or I mean, nothing like a good hobbit hole. Or a troll cave, depending on your mood.

 

3 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Now I'm wondering if Jonas wasn't some kind of quantum physics engineering mad scientist.

I'm pretty sure saying anything less is a disservice to his character. 

 

4 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

He definitely didn't think through his actions very well, now did he?  My seraph is none too pleased with the mischievous, malinformed miscreant.   But I've also read quite a bit of Lovecraft, applied some of Lvoecraft's story concepts to the game as head cannon and absolutely adore how well the devs have done such a stoopidly stupendous job representing Sir Lovecraft in this game.  There just ain't enough kudos in the world to be awarded to @Tyron, @Saraty and Co.

I can't say that my main seraph is particularly fond of the guy either. I've also never read Lovecraft, aside from certain snippets, but I've read several stories about the Call of Cthulu TTRPG and whatnot(Old Man Henderson is a favorite!) so I've got at least a basic grasp on the overall vibe. And yeah, I agree, the devs have really nailed it. Perhaps what's most impressive is they've accomplished a major spook factor, without shoving it constantly in the player's face or resorting to the standard "lots of gore and jump scares". In other words, the spook factor in the game plays on play instinct and imagination, and not shock factor.

[Maelstrom]

12 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

I can't say that my main seraph is particularly fond of the guy either. I've also never read Lovecraft, aside from certain snippets, but I've read several stories about the Call of Cthulu TTRPG and whatnot(Old Man Henderson is a favorite!) so I've got at least a basic grasp on the overall vibe. And yeah, I agree, the devs have really nailed it. Perhaps what's most impressive is they've accomplished a major spook factor, without shoving it constantly in the player's face or resorting to the standard "lots of gore and jump scares". In other words, the spook factor in the game plays on play instinct and imagination, and not shock factor.

Read the Dreams in the Witch House and the Case of Charles Dexter Ward for my thoughts on Jonas' "technological" mastery.

 

12 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

Sounds like you've found a haunted forest as well. Maybe they keep crawling out of caves, but part of me wonders if the light levels in dense forests are just low enough for the occasional monster to spawn in daylight, even without rift activity.

You mean to tell me I created my own haunted forest?! 

The micro forest of a dozen trees or less that I planted next to a treasure hunter trader which is so densely growing that it's impossible to tell where one trunk butts up against the other trunk.  That cavelette is just a 20 block canyon covered by one layer of dirt with huge openings on both ends, no other caves within a 100 block radius.

Nah.   Jonas is responsible for this travesty of multi-dimensional mischievous mayhem!   I'd kill him if he weren't dead already.   I might just find his body and kill him again just for spite!

Edited October 30, 2025 by Maelstrom

[LadyWYT]

1 minute ago, Maelstrom said:

You mean to tell me I created my own haunted forest?! 

The micro forest of a dozen trees or less that I planted next to a treasure hunter trader which is so densely growing that it's impossible to tell where one trunk butts up against the other trunk.  That cavelette is just a 20 block canyon covered by one layer of dirt with huge openings on both ends, no other caves within a 100 block radius.

Nah.   Jonas is responsible for this travesty of multi-dimensional mischievous mayhem!   I'd kill him if he weren't dead already.   I might just find his body and kill him again just for spite!

Oof, yeah, it sounds like you may have done just that!  I guess the immediate solutions are:

1. Chop down the forest in order to clear some space and let in some light, while getting some resources in the process.

2. Burn down the forest and indulge those secret inclinations of pyromania.

3. Roll with the role you've accidentally created for yourself and become the head spook of the forest.

[Maelstrom]

2 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

1. Chop down the forest in order to clear some space and let in some light, while getting some resources in the process.

Done.

 

2 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

2. Burn down the forest and indulge those secret inclinations of pyromania.

Not this time.  Needed the wood for flooring, walls, etc.

 

2 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

3. Roll with the role you've accidentally created for yourself and become the head spook of the forest.

Maybe later.  I don't want to scare that trader.   I haven't traded away a perfectly good pickaxe to him yet.  Besides he'll buy wolf pups from the other trader thats across the value near my starter clay hole.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

28 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

There just ain't enough kudos in the world to be awarded to @Tyron, @Saraty and Co.

Hey.

Your fangirl is showing.

not that I disagree or anything.... >////<

Edited October 30, 2025 by Teh Pizza Lady

[Maelstrom]

Just now, Teh Pizza Lady said:

Hey.

Your fangirl is showing.

Not ashamed at all.   Not even one miniscule at all.   I wear it as a badge of pride!

[Echo Weaver]

Today in Extreme Animal Husbandry, my three male giant deer calves grew up. I've had these guys for months, and my auroch cow has been pregnant for at least two months. I think their realistic lifespan might be a bit too realistic.

Anyway, I immediately discovered that the walkway I'd put over the auroch pen in order to interact with the aurochs without being gored was in fact within jumping distance of the deer. ARGH. I managed to fix things with only one getting out. 

I then put together my pit trap and food trough bait system and went off looking for another female to replace the dear departed doe who was probably killed by a drifter.

I knew there was one over the hill in a neighboring valley, so I went off to look for her. I've found that I can chase deer (giant at least) with reasonable precision. I get them close enough to my bait, then sneak and watch. If all goes well, they'll calm down and eventually start heading toward that alluring trough of grass. If they don't fall into the pit trap, I can run up behind them to scare them into falling in.

This was about my third try on that female, but this time it worked perfectly! I got the new female into the pen with the two remaining males. Jackpot.

Then I discovered that she was actually a he -- I'd re-caught the male deer who escaped earlier.

[LadyWYT]

12 hours ago, Echo Weaver said:

my auroch cow has been pregnant for at least two months. I think their realistic lifespan might be a bit too realistic.

Possibly, but they yield a LOT of redmeat, hide, and fat, even at low weights. I would say one low-weight auroch can easily be the equivalent of 4-5 high weight pigs, perhaps even more, depending on whether it's a cow or a bull. Keep in mind too that generation 3 creatures can be dispatched immediately via the butcher knife. Cattle are a significant investment up front, to be sure, but they should be paying big dividends later once you get them going.

[Echo Weaver]

16 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

Possibly, but they yield a LOT of redmeat, hide, and fat, even at low weights. I would say one low-weight auroch can easily be the equivalent of 4-5 high weight pigs, perhaps even more, depending on whether it's a cow or a bull. Keep in mind too that generation 3 creatures can be dispatched immediately via the butcher knife. Cattle are a significant investment up front, to be sure, but they should be paying big dividends later once you get them going.

This is true. And while it will take a long time for the calf to finally be born, the cow will then lactate that much longer. I'm not expecting to be able to get a ton of milk out of a wild cow, though, assuming they're at least as hard to milk as a wild bighorn ewe. Getting past the wild generation is a big time sink.

Perhaps the real issue is the giant deer. Those are rideable at Gen 10, but I'm not sure I can imagine playing a single world long enough to get them to Gen 10.

[Maelstrom]

Herobrine Emmigrated I Tell You!

and changed his name to @LadyWYT

Why are you laughing?   

 

I'm serious!   You think I'm kidding?   Well pay attention while I prove it to you.

First we have my previous story "Hello There..." in which a shiver appears out of nowhere and retreats back into nowhere without a trace.  Herobr... err @LadyWYT makes this comment in response.

On 10/30/2025 at 9:34 AM, LadyWYT said:

Sounds like you've found a haunted forest as well.

The next evening this happens.  Notice a few things.  The minimap shows the size of my micro-forest tree farm mentioned in the aforementioned story.  To the left of the the minimap is the fortuitously captured end of the massive invasion below the rift.  Finally the weatherman reporting, "We'll have a peasant summer evening.  Partly cloudy as the thunderstorms from the afternoon drift off to the east.   Tadar indicates that the next temporal storm is a few days away still.  Temporal stability is apocalyptically off the charts at this time.  Seek shelter immediately!"

 

Heeding the weatherman's warning I barred the myself in my micro seraph-cave.  The careful observer will notice the 6 drifters banging on my door like a chimpanzee as if money's for nothing and the chicks are free.

In my hasty retreat from gathering wood for another batch of charcoal, I glimpsed at least 1 shiver and 2 bowtorns among a mass of seething drifter despondency.

 

Is all this a coincidence?   I. THINK. NOT!

[LadyWYT]

24 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

Herobrine Emmigrated I Tell You!

and changed his name to @LadyWYT

Why are you laughing?   

I'm laughing, because it's technically true!  Way back in the early days of Minecraft, I impersonated Herobrine on a friend's Minecraft server in college and spooked a couple of other college friends. And when I say "impersonated", I meant I just switched my player skin and pretended my account got "hacked"...so a pretty poor excuse that anyone with a lick of sense should have seen through more clearly than a brand new glass door. The really stupid part though...the friends bought it hook, line, and sinker.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

2 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

I'm laughing, because it's technically true!  Way back in the early days of Minecraft, I impersonated Herobrine on a friend's Minecraft server in college and spooked a couple of other college friends. And when I say "impersonated", I meant I just switched my player skin and pretended my account got "hacked"...so a pretty poor excuse that anyone with a lick of sense should have seen through more clearly than a brand new glass door. The really stupid part though...the friends bought it hook, line, and sinker.

They were kind of special in a way....

[Teh Pizza Lady]

It's 2 AM

I'm trapped in a hole with my favorite blackguard.

What am I awakened to? The sound of a bowtorn pummelling the entrance of our cave with his ribs using his pinpoint accuracy.

Maybe in a few hours he'll run out of bones.

[ifoz]

So here's a new one.

There I am, deep underground. We're talking y level 40 or something similar.
Kind of on edge, since a quarter of my health is already gone to corrupt locusts. (Not shown in image due to a thankful bandage from a translocator). x)

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I am jumpscared by a sound I have never heard in a cave before accompanied by a rapid movement in the corner of my eye.
"Dead rooster, looks crushed".

There was nothing above me except for countless tons of stone. This bird somehow clipped through the world, then fell into the cave where I was standing and died on impact.
Quite the unexpected jumpscare. 

Edited November 2, 2025 by ifoz

[Bumber]

Roosters eat bugs for breakfast. Looks like the bugs... got their revenge.

Edited November 3, 2025 by Bumber

[Teh Pizza Lady]

30 minutes ago, Bumber said:

Roosters eat bugs for breakfast. Looks like the bugs... got their revenge.

This doesn't have anything to do with the post, but they also will eat small frogs. It's hilarious to see them chasing each other around to eat it, too.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

A Tale of Woe and Caution

It all began, as these things often do, with an innocent ping from a prospecting pick. A trace reading of magnetite--barely a whisper in the rock--but enough to set off my instincts. Soon, my blackguard friend lumbered over, her pick sharper than mine, her stride slower than mine, her sense of optimism still intact..er than mine. Together we fanned out, narrowing in on the elusive metal, marking the ground like two overconfident archaeologists convinced we were moments from glory.

When the best reading was finally found, we stood triumphant atop a patch of dirt indistinguishable from the rest of the landscape. We declared victory (silently, of course), went home for supplies, and returned ready to extract riches from the earth.

The first shaft was a disappointment. My swift hands worked quickly but uncovered nothing. My blackguard friend, with miner’s pride, began a second shaft and plunged deep--very deep. She prospected all the way to the mantle, muttering (in spirit) that surely the next sample would show something. It did not. The ground mocked us.

By the time we gave up, our supplies were gone, and our spirits were flatter than sedimentary rock. We trudged home, vowing to never mine again.

Days passed. Then came my bright idea--dangerously bright, the kind of thought that starts with “maybe just one more look.” Back into the mine I went, pick in hand, determined to prospect properly this time. The magnetite still eluded me, but I struck something interesting: deep quartz. Visions of gold or silver danced in my head. The source turned out to be... a cooled lava pool. Basalt, quartz, and a sprinkle of disappointment.

But then, as I hollowed out the area, a tunnel! Naturally, the only sensible thing to do was to expand it. The tunnel led to another basalt pool and then to a cave that curved upward like the world’s least efficient staircase. I climbed, placing ladders to aid in my quest. And climbed. And climbed--until, miraculously, there it was: The elusive Magnetite we had been searching for that whole time.

Unfortunately, temporal stability had other opinions about success. Monsters stirred. Two nightmare drifters dropped in on top of me, one of them pegging me with a rock on its way down. Seriously these things have impeccable aim. Bowtorns could learn a lesson!

I ran.

At home, my blackguard friend, upon hearing the tale, sighed (audibly this time) and suited up. Together we descended again, armored, stocked, and determined to face whatever horrors lurked below. Pickaxes flew as did the magnetite and soon our coffers were loaded. I was just starting to think about heading home as my own pickaxe was starting to break. Then I saw it. I felt it. I heard it. The ground began to rumble, darkness crept in, and I heard the ever-growing-louder sound of the rust world creeping in. And as suddenly as it started, it ended, followed by a bell's toll.

We counted in silence. One. Two. My eyes shot open wider. Three. I turned to my friend and begged that we leave ASAP. And it's a good thing we did.

The horrors obliged. Temporal stability had plummeted. We no sooner left that mine when 4 nightmare drifters started spawning around us. My friend killed 3 of them before being done in herself by the last one. I helped it audition for the role of voodoo doll and used the last bandage to wrap my bleeding limbs. Quickly she made her way back to the mines and collected her stuff. We agreed to leave immediately.

Then we saw it.

The bell-headed shiver.

Now, there was something I had forgotten to mention about this mod, Temporal Symphony. A lovely little tweak that made the world sing. I knew it changed the Bells’ tones. I did not know it extended to shivers.

The creature raised its head.

BONK. SCREECH. BONK. SCREECH. BONK. SCREECH.

The mighty terror of the deep was repeatedly headbutting the ground like a drunken cowbell. The two of us lost all composure, giggling uncontrollably at the ridiculous display, recalling the story of the drunken hobo in the wine cellar that started this whole thread.

The problem was, every bonk and screech echoed through the caverns, a siren song for every horror nearby. The laughter faded as the growls grew louder.

Moments later, silence. Followed by respawn screens.

We eventually retrieved our gear—muddy, humiliated, and much wiser.

Moral of the story: Never laugh at the bell-headed shivers. They bonk, they screech, and they summon your doom.

At least we made it home with the magnetite. Not all of it, mind you. There's still more down there in those mines. I think the blackguard is trying to regain her dignity before even thinking about venturing back there again.

Edited November 3, 2025 by Teh Pizza Lady

[ifoz]

2 hours ago, Teh Pizza Lady said:

Moral of the story: Never laugh at the bell-headed shivers. They bonk, they screech, and they summon your doom

I once experienced a fantastic bug involving a bellhead shiver and knockback. 


One small step for a Seraph...

[Echo Weaver]

6 hours ago, ifoz said:

I once experienced a fantastic bug involving a bellhead shiver and knockback.

Unrelatedly, I love your walled base!

[ifoz]

18 minutes ago, Echo Weaver said:

Unrelatedly, I love your walled base!

Thank you! 
It's from my very first world back in 1.18, and every now and then I hop back on and keep playing, slowly building more stuff.
Originally it was just the ruined tower closest to the lake that I fixed up as a starter base!

[LadyWYT]

7 hours ago, ifoz said:

One small step for a Seraph...

I knew Skyrim had a space program, but I didn't know that Vintage Story had one too!

[Maelstrom]

On 11/1/2025 at 9:18 PM, ifoz said:

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I am jumpscared by a sound I have never heard in a cave before accompanied by a rapid movement in the corner of my eye.
"Dead rooster, looks crushed".

Instead of Schrodinger's Cat we've got Jonas' Chicken?

[Echo Weaver]

15 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

I knew Skyrim had a space program, but I didn't know that Vintage Story had one too!

Ohhhh, I couldn't quite figure out what I was looking at. This is a picture of where @ifoz was knockbacked to? 

[LadyWYT]

47 minutes ago, Echo Weaver said:

Ohhhh, I couldn't quite figure out what I was looking at. This is a picture of where @ifoz was knockbacked to? 

I think so, yeah. Not really sure how, but sometimes, it's best not to ask too many questions.  Bellhead shivers are a lot less fearsome than I thought though. Still very dangerous, but difficult to take seriously given the buckethead look and the "bonk-screech-bonk-screech" they do. 

[ifoz]

9 hours ago, Echo Weaver said:

Ohhhh, I couldn't quite figure out what I was looking at. This is a picture of where @ifoz was knockbacked to? 

Yes. Yes it is. 

The bellhead killed me underground, and then my dead body landed in metal spikes. My working theory is that since metal spikes constantly try to do damage when you touch them, they were amplifying the already massive knockback while I was dead.
Then when I respawned, I was thrown into the air, only to die again on impact. 

Edited November 4, 2025 by ifoz