What's Your Humorous Story?

[Bumber]

42 minutes ago, Vratislav said:

I'd really like a mod that will make crude door broken whenever a blackguard tries to touch them.

Make them explode like beds in that other block game.

[LadyWYT]

6 hours ago, Vratislav said:

I'd really like a mod that will make crude door broken whenever a blackguard tries to touch them.

I'm not sure you need a mod for that...dang thing is cursed. I swear, whenever I'm the one touching it, it breaks. At least we have real doors now so that doesn't happen anymore!

[Vratislav]

6 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

I'm not sure you need a mod for that

Maybe the mechanics of door breaking probablity based on class is already in the game!

[LadyWYT]

On 8/27/2025 at 10:07 PM, Teh Pizza Lady said:

Can't be as painful as having straight lava diarrhea... 

This is why you don't use lava to cook chicken.

[Moltrey]

Ah, my latest was epic.

Spawn in, immediately hear bees. Sweet! Walk two steps and decide to break bush for sticks; hive was on ground in bush, bees swarm and start stinging me.  Rage quit.

Total time in game, maybe 30 seconds. Doh!

[Jennandtonic]

The first time I encountered a drifter I had NO IDEA what the heck it was. I knew there were Eldritch monsters in the game but wasn't expecting *that*.  I managed to kill it but then didn't know what to do with it, so I boxed it in with dirt in case it could rise from the dead. I left it there for about 10 minutes. Even though I'm familiar with despawn rules from TOBG, I was still shocked it was gone when I cautiously (spear at the ready) checked on it

[LadyWYT]

Never Spook the Blackguard

This happened just yesterday. I was playing on my friend's server, attempting to locate iron while he worked on trapping chickens. The area we settled in is predominantly andesite, which means magnetite is really the only option when it comes to iron...and there are no good readings to work with at all. Thankfully, I did find a deposit, but it was in the middle of a cave system, which was going to pose a problem when it came to underground spooks. Neither one of us really have great armor--just a couple pieces of bear hide--and the rift activity just didn't want to calm down, so it's pretty much a guarantee there are going to be spooks interrupting any mining attempts. To mitigate this, I asked my hunter friend to tag along and watch my back, so the spooks didn't sneak up on either one of us.

It was a very good idea, at least at first. The rift activity wasn't terribly high or anything, but it was just enough for a spook or two to spawn. Given that the iron ore was pretty deep down, this meant a couple of tier 2 drifters--not really a problem for the hunter to snipe with spears while I work doggedly at digging out all that rich ore. All was going very well...and then the bowtorn showed up. Hunter friend tried to snipe it, and ended up having to chase it into one of the dark passages to dispatch it. That turned out to be a mistake, since he got jumped by a couple of drifters and ended up losing most of his health. I didn't see it happen, since I was busy mining out more ore in a little nook I'd dug out for myself. All I heard was the screams about drifters, coupled with the moan of a drifter around the corner from my little hidey hole.

Not to be taken by surprise, I readied my bronze falx and swung for the monster as soon as it rounded the corner! Except there was just one little problem.

It uh...

It wasn't a monster...

[Never Jhonsen]

14 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

It wasn't a monster...

I've heard that type of mob can drop a wide variety of loot  bows, swords, maybe even armor, tools, friendships, blocks, and more.

[LadyWYT]

1 minute ago, Never Jhonsen said:

I've heard that type of mob can drop a wide variety of loot  bows, swords, maybe even armor, tools, friendships, blocks, and more.

Thankfully we're still friends! And it's a scenario that I'm very glad Tyron added the ability to scrape your friends off the floor too.

Honestly, I just saw a big dark shape come around the corner and swung. I didn't realize until mid-swing that it wasn't a drifter. 

[Teh Pizza Lady]

15 minutes ago, LadyWYT said:

Thankfully we're still friends! And it's a scenario that I'm very glad Tyron added the ability to scrape your friends off the floor too.

Honestly, I just saw a big dark shape come around the corner and swung. I didn't realize until mid-swing that it wasn't a drifter. 

I'll be honest, I thought it was the drifter that did me in... until I heard over voice comms. "OH F----" *   It wasn't until I looked at the chat log and saw that I was killed by another player. Oh well. I didn't want those 1.5 health points anyway. 


* F---- here was the word "fudge"

[Teh Pizza Lady]

21 minutes ago, Never Jhonsen said:

I've heard that type of mob can drop a wide variety of loot  bows, swords, maybe even armor, tools, friendships, blocks, and more.

and cookpots/crocks. Honest if she was that hungry she should have just said something. I would have put the cookpot down..... >_>

[Broccoli Clock]

Bowtorns are just 'drop bears'!

I was hiding at night, panning for those early game copper nuggies. I could hear the mobs mulling around but not close (they weren't phasing through a wall to get to me in the way they do if they are right next to you). Over time I kept hearing bowtorns dying and just couldn't figure it out. Friendly fire perhaps (although I never heard them fire). Finally made my way out in the morning to find a dead bowtorn. Checked it's stats, that's when I figured out what had happened..

It seems a little odd that they all spawned on top of the redwood tree and not on the ground next to me, but essentially this just makes them a drop bear. For those unsure what a drop bear is, go google it..

 

[Blaiyze]

I keep finding the same vertical drop hole in the middle of my beautiful valley, accidentally. Run clear over the edge of it, stomach leaps into my throat, think this might be it this time, and land on the same saviour ledge that is conveniently the only lip to land on when unintentionally opting to base jump from the same direction. Bless that little lip.

One of these days I'll mark it on my map. I've marked everything else, except that glory hole in the middle of the valley.

[Maelstrom]

At least you have the luck of landing on that one lip.  I usually jump over a bush to land on...  nothing!  Then get to listen to the music of wind whistling in my ears as I wait a seeming eternity for the nightmare to end then decide whether to rage quit or not.

 

In other news...

I AM the drop bear!

Edited September 8, 2025 by Maelstrom

[Shoom]

On 9/6/2025 at 4:28 AM, Blaiyze said:

I keep finding the same vertical drop hole in the middle of my beautiful valley, accidentally. Run clear over the edge of it, stomach leaps into my throat, think this might be it this time, and land on the same saviour ledge that is conveniently the only lip to land on when unintentionally opting to base jump from the same direction. Bless that little lip.

One of these days I'll mark it on my map. I've marked everything else, except that glory hole in the middle of the valley.

My buddy was standing on the edge of that pit, probably 50 blocks deep, just looking to see if we had missed any potential ore or ruin entrance (as you do when you pass that pit) suddenly a mad moose came charging out of the bushes behind him pushing him all the way to the very bottom, next 15 minutes were spent gathering sticks for ladders. 

[Maelstrom]

Sssssuuuuuurrrrrre it was a moose.   Admit it, you *ahem* helped your friend explore that murder hole for ore.  

[Shoom]

Just now, Maelstrom said:

Sssssuuuuuurrrrrre it was a moose.   Admit it, you *ahem* helped your friend explore that murder hole for ore.  

As proof, I've attached a picture of the aforementioned criminal. We painstakingly brought him back to town after the crime (we were new to the game at the time and thought we could tame him) ((moose milk is not a thing))

Initially we kept him in a pen outside the house along with the chickens but after innumerable acts of murder later we decided to move him inside the town barn, where he has spent the past 3 years and where he will remain until the moose taming update.

[Maelstrom]

Welp.   Moose in time-out.   Just like my murderous ram that butted me off my own mountaintop workshop.  And OVER a fence to boot!  gol dern ram's gonna die of old age while in time-out!

Edited September 8, 2025 by Maelstrom

[Echo Weaver]

Welcome to the first chapter in our new series, "Extreme Animal Husbandry."

While I'm waiting for time with my teen to run the Resonance Archives in my primary vanilla+ game, I decided to try out a modpack I've been tinkering with focused on the stone age. The idea is that I play through the first winter before I'm allowed to collect copper. Relevant mods to this story are Vanilla Plus worldgen, Primitive Survival (with Primitive Survival Redux), most of the Fauna of the Stone Age, The Critters Pack, Crude Building Elements, and some other misc recipes to make stuff accessible in the stone age that are weirdly linked to metal like feeding troughs. 

I loaded a test world and spawned right in the middle of a herd of elephants who promptly stomped me. Definitely a personal record for time from initial spawn to first death! I still have that game because elephants, but it's not the world I stuck with.

This time, I spawned into lovely rolling downs edged by mountains and immediately fell in love with them. Chef's kiss to Vanilla Plus. Area turned out to be riddled with instability, which was interesting to play. Dug out my little hobbit hole and started work on gathering resources.

The FotSA animals started to spawn in, starting with a pair of huge bovines that turned out to be eurasian aurochs. I accidentally got too close to the bull when out foraging, and he immediately gored me and sent me back to spawn. And we thought bears were bad.

I immediately became obsessed. I HAD to capture a pair of these and domesticate them. I mean, who wouldn't want a pair of livestock who will kill you if you get close enough to feed them? 

The cow was the hardest because she runs away if she sees you, and her view distance is impressive. I laugh at vanilla livestock. I made a stack and a half of fencing and tried to enclose her, but it turned out that at the distance I had to stay to keep her from seeing me, I could only get about halfway around before she decided to wander out of range. So that was no go. I learned about pit traps in Primitive Survival (those are pretty awesome) and tried setting them up. My first trap caught a mallard duck from The Critters Pack, which became half of my breeding pair of fowl. Then I tried a combination -- I fenced in a largish area by my hobbit hole on three sides, made a pit trap inside, and put a feeding trough filled with grass beside it, just in case she'd be lured in by the trough.

Bingo! The next morning, I went out to look, and there she was, munching away. I sneaked up and started to fill in the remaining fence. When I was about halfway done, she saw me, freaked out, started to run, and fell into the pit trap. Brilliance. To top it off, two giant deer fawns were in there with her. Sadly, both turned out to be male.

I set up the same setup again in hopes of snagging the bull. I set and reset those traps for two months. I caught:

 - Another giant deer fawn, male again (c'mon guys!)

 - A rooster

 - A duckling (caught and relocated to my duck pen)

 - A duck, female (killed for meat, except she only gave feathers, grump)

 - A normal deer, male 

I even added another pit trap so that there was one on either side of the feeding trough. No dice.

Meanwhile, the bull disappeared. The downs were full of giant deer and aurochs, but only female of both. I tried chasing a deer in the direction of my trap, and she wandered in that area for a while, but she didn't bite. I chased around a auroch cow with even less luck. And then one morning, I ran at a auroch and it didn't run away.

Oh crap. I'm not ready for this.

He bellowed. I turned tail and ran. If I paused for even a second to be sure he was still back there, he'd get a hit in. I barely made it to my traps alive. I tried to dodge around, but I failed and fell into the first one. Oh, well, it was worth dying. I'd figure out how to get to my corpse later.

Except he didn't fall in.

You're kidding me. !@#$%$

I cautiously climbed out of the trap and looked around. He was nowhere to be seen. I couldn't believe it. What would it take to catch this guy?

Then I heard him bellow and looked over at the other trap. He'd jumped over the first trap and fallen into the second one. There he was, running around furiously with the giant deer fawn, a vanilla deer, and a squawking rooster.

Well, that wasn't exactly elegant, but it got the job done.

Then when I tried to get the cow out of her pit trap, she gored me, and I scrambled out of her pen with 2 hit points.

Getting these two out of their traps and together to mate is going to be my project for the fall.

Edited October 9, 2025 by Echo Weaver
Spelling, of course

[Teh Pizza Lady]

GUYS I DID IT

I finally potty trained my blackguard! Instead of going in her pants, she now uses the crucible!

Before and after:

 

[Maelstrom]

Now THAT is some seriously radioactive dookie!

[Lollard]

It was winter, my house was almost complete but I was still using a starter shack nearby to do some metalworking, as my proper smithy wasn't done yet. It was the dead of night and I kept hearing what sounded like the squeal of a pig over and over. I went around the shack to look, but found nothing. I climbed the ladder to a small windmill I set up to power a quern to look above and it was the biggest fright I've had with this game.

2 brown bears had climbed up and gotten stuck. I took this picture in the morning but it looked truly horrible in the dark from below, it was like a mutant double bear. I never heard the sounds they made before in this particular circumstance, and I've fought dozens of them.

[LadyWYT]

2 minutes ago, Lollard said:

2 brown bears had climbed up and gotten stuck. I took this picture in the morning but it looked truly horrible in the dark from below, it was like a mutant double bear. I never heard the sounds they made before in this particular circumstance, and I've fought dozens of them.

Oh wow. I knew that monsters could climb up ladders, but not down. Didn't know the same logic applied to bears as well.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

Does Clyde still wander around?

I met someone like Clyde yesterday. Turns out he had a real fascination with the gear mechanisms of my the windmill on my server. Up the ladder he went. "Get down from there!" I yelled at the creature who was seemingly uninterested in anything I had to say. His response? He started throwing rocks from his perch. Where did he even get them?

So Up the ladder I went, poking him with a stick. "I said, GET DOWN!" He slumped over and started crying? bleeding? I'm not sure. Maybe I poked him a little too hard. Do you think it could have been the spear head on my stick? Should I have removed that first?

Who knows with these things...

[Maelstrom]

Honestly, I haven't played in over a month, closer to two.  About the Saga of Bonnie and Clyde, they are not your normal drifters.  They do not respond to you (thus why I fired the lazy sod), nor can you interact with them; even violently so.   They also do not despawn if you go on a world tour.

@LadyWYT Waaaaayyyyy back in 1.15 and I think 1.16 I watched rams climb the ladder I placed to escape from their murderous charge after me into the pen I had created.  Cotton pickin' bugger climbed up that four tall ladder almost as fast I did to continue his revenge for chucking a pebble at him to get his attention.   All I was tryin' to do was get him to a safe place, away from wolves where I could feed him and keep him safe until it came time to cull the local population of big horn sheep I rasied.