What's Your Humorous Story?

[Maelstrom]

The Curb Appeal is to Die For!

Thank you @Broccoli Clock for reminding me about this.

After the 1.16 updates had finished dropping I started a new world; having finished my last test world to overcome the learning cliff that VS was back in them thar days.  Spawn was in a negatively inclined temporal stability area but copper and tin were readily available due to luck (and not artificially increasing the ore generation rates).  I spent the spring getting to a sustainable place and started searching for a place of my own to carve out of the cruel world.  North was a horrid mountainous landscape and east was a rugged plain of gravel and sand.  West?   I don't recall why I rejected it, I think because of forest and more rugged terrain.   South?   South had a delightful little place at the top of a 15ish block cliff overlooking a vast lowland plain.  I'd later discover two iron deposits layered on top of each other about 200 blocks from the home I chose but once again bees were disagreeable far away; about 1,500 blocks or so which was better than the 2,500ish blocks of the previous world (mentioned in a previous silly story).  I'd also later find a translocator that would take me 8,000 blocks south to a delightfully warm area I could farm flax year 'round (and also had the wizard of a trader hovering over a death pit, also mentioned in a previous silly story).  

Well, before I found all of those delightful things I had to learn about the hardships of this place.  It was located on the edge of a forest and at the base of the cliff and about 50 blocks away from my home would be a shallow dead end cave that would constantly spawn drifters who would amble up the steep incline to my home during the night and serranade me with their dulcet duets, trios and choirs.  Did I mention the forest?  Yeah, that would also spawn wolves regularly that would join in the drifter's cacaphony with their howling.  During my second summer I deforested the nearby forest except for those wonderful resin bearing trees and was delighted that the wolves caterwauling ceased.   GREAT!  Now I just have the balasted drifter choir to deal with.  So I went and placed a lantern in the cave and blocked off the entrance to the cave.  BINGO!  No more drifters on calm rift nights.

And then 1.17 updates drop.   And the bears.   No wolves.  No drifters.   But bears start spawning within my immediate proximity.   Come outa my home one bright sunny day and I hear a growl, get wacked by the bear and that wonderful woar woar woar sound as the screen goes to black and white sepia tones followed by asking if I want to rage quit.   HELL NO! I'm not going to rage quit!!!   I'm gonna go right back in there and RAGE KILL! that dang ghetto bear for that drive by mauling!  Then I'm gonna go on a rage kill rampage of anything and everything else that happens to annoy me in even the most minute way, goshdernit!  except the sheep that head butts me.  I need him alive.

Edited February 3 by Maelstrom

[Broccoli Clock]

I posted a reply in here yesterday, but didn't think it really amounted to a humorous story so deleted it, but it's now happened to me twice so I think it's worthy of addition.

In my new world, things are lovely, high stability, lots of resources nearby and an area that doesn't look like it'll get hammered by the cold during Winter. However one thing it does lack is feathered friends. There are lots of rabbits and deer, a few boars, even a couple of goats, but chickens are conspicuously absent.

Now, don't get me wrong, they are around, I do hear them. Not close to my base, but on (local) journeys I hear roosters crowing, and I will occasionally see a feathered derriere disappear over the crest of a hill into bushes. I don't need the eggs, but I have now built my house and would like some chickens for the landscaped garden so it's mostly vibes.

So off I set, looking for chickens. I did not have much luck. In fact I spent two days away from home, sleeping at traders, hunting down them down. Finally the other day I found one, and decided to set my trap. As I say, this is now the second time I've done this with identical results. The results? Well they both went like this..

I find a chicken, just a solitary one, ok that's fine it's a start after all. Lay my trap, baited with flax grain. Wait... and wait.. and finally... the grain is eaten. OK, happens sometime, will try it again. The chicken eats the grain again. Now I said this is the second time this scenario has played out, the first time the trap actually broke while the chicken was feasting on its ill gotten g(r)ains, I'm not so unlucky this time around, the trap stay intact.

However, here's the kicker, the third time the chicken comes to feed, and I am thinking this time the RNG will go my way, a 33% chance maybe? As the chicken approaches the basket, a fox appears and mercs the bird. To add injury to insult, harvesting the dead chicken results in no meat.

Spoiler

 

[PineReseen]

I don't know if this is a humorous or "What have I done!?" story, but I think the 480-or-so firewood at least deserves to be mentioned.

So, I was planning to get a copper pickaxe, so first I decided that I'd make charcoal since that's what I need for melting native copper. I had this nice oak tree right outside my packed dirt hut, so I decided to cut it down. Unbeknownst to me, the tree was so big that I needed like, 3 or 4 bone flint axes to cut it all down. Then, I made it all into firewood, since I don't have enough space in my containers to store all those logs.

I ended up with this:

That's 384 firewood, or 12 full blocks of it (One block is below the floor since I needed to repurpose my firing pit). Then, I have another 64 firewood above the basement, and finally, I forgot about the 32 firewood inside my pot so I had to place it on the main floor too. I might have to store it outside at this point to make more pots for storage and whatnot.

[Maelstrom]

That's just storage!   Thank goodness.  I saw that crucible sitting there and was worried you thought that you were going to light the charcoal pit to smelt your copper!  

[williams_482]

Instead of trying to store it all, you should put it all in a big charcoal pit and fire it. That will condense it down to "just" a couple stacks, and keep you adequately supplied for some time. 

[LadyWYT]

Cave Diving

You ever just go for a nice little run through the fields, hopping your way through the wildflowers, scaring the chickens and local wildlife, and picking the occasional crops as you find them? It's a relaxing way to get the lay of the land, as well as collect several resources, provided, of course, that one watches what they are doing. Which is exactly what I was not doing.

Needless to say, I jumped straight into a hole. A very, very deep hole. Most of you will probably guess that this is the point at which I broke my legs on a ledge with no possible means of escape, or otherwise turned into a Blackguard pancake as soon as I hit the bottom. What might shock you, however, and shocked me as well is that neither of those turned out to be the case. There was a waterfall pouring into said hole; a waterfall in which I landed and bobbed back up to the safety of a ledge. It was from there that I was able to shimmy my way back up to the surface thanks to the six rope ladders that I had on me--never leave home without them!

[Maelstrom]

Now THAT'S Cave Diving!

So I was running to my 1.17 home.  You know, the one with the killer curb appeal?  Yeah.  That one.   Well on the other side of that beautiful valley is where I found bees (some 1,000 blocks distant), the translocator to that wizardly trader levitating above that murder hole and then there's this other murder hole about 100 blocks from the stairway I built to get back to my home from the 3,000 block run to the translocator.   I knew that murder hole was there.  I had encountered it a few times before, I just hadn't bothered to clear the bushes away that were hiding it when running back home from my southerly adventures.

So you know what's coming...

I was running home from one of those southern adventures.  I don't know if I was just tired or distracted driving buuuuut...  I jumped over the bushes and you guesssed it! 

Began falling.

And falling...

and falling...

aaaaannnnnd faaaaaalllling...

and feeling like alice and a certain rabbit hole falling...

 

 

One eternity later (at least that's how long it felt by this time)

I swear Tyron has an easter egg that if you fall more than a predefined distance you begin hearing wind whistling in your ears.  
Coz I was hearing wind whistling in my ears!!! and stuck the landing.  Fatally so.

Edited February 12 by Maelstrom

[LadyWYT]

15 minutes ago, Maelstrom said:

feeling like alice

Maybe I need coffee this morning. Could've sworn you were gonna mention a restaurant down near the railroad track.

[Maelstrom]

1 hour ago, LadyWYT said:

Maybe I need coffee this morning. Could've sworn you were gonna mention a restaurant down near the railroad track.

So we grabbed rakes and shovels and other implements of destruction and headed on over to the restaurant...

[Maelstrom]

22 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Now THAT'S Cave Diving!

Epilogue

 

[PineReseen]

THIS is Cave Diving!

Those two stories reminded me of the time I fell into a cave myself. Except this wasn't caused by distraction, but rather a severe miscalculation.

So, I was looking for native copper, and found some! Except, this copper had the underground deposits exposed to the surface due to a cave generating right next to it. Since I didn't have a pickaxe yet, I decided to take a picture and leave it alone. Except I didn't quite do that, because either when I first found it or came back to the cave, I saw a drifter inside. Being a Malefactor with a sling, I thought I was a good idea to hit the drifter with a rock. However, since it was slowly going out of sight, I had to aim at a weird angle, which caused the projectile to hit the floor on which I was standing, then hit me and knock me off the ledge, and then die of fall damage.
For reference, this is what I was dealing with:

I then had to rush back to the cave, build a staircase, land in some water, pick up all my stuff, build up with the sandstone cobblestone I was carrying when I died for some reason, and get out of the cave successfully. Luckily, I don't think I lost anything of value.

Edited February 22 by PineReseen
Reduced image quality to save space

[Teh Pizza Lady]

SHE STOLE MY STICK!!

So there I am struggling to remember how to start a Vintage Story server when my friend, the ever helpful (not) Blackguard logs in and gets to work gathering flint and sticks and even makes herself a knife before I even make it through the character creation window! Thanks slow computer...

So of course there are no sticks in my immediate vicinity................

I poke around and finally find a branchy maple bush and begin the arduous task of beginning the game. Now, I am a picky hunter and when I make a knife, I need the perfect stick for the knife handle. I'm nearly done selecting the branch I want to use when I hear the sounds of fighting behind me. What has she gotten up to already? I feel a slight breeze as a drifter sails past my head, no doubt taking the Blackguard Boot Express on a one-way ticket to Out Of Here-ville. Then what comes charging after the poor drifter but the blackguard in question? Of course it was her. And as she runs past, she sees me holding the perfect knife handle in my hand, mutters, "oh thanks" and runs off beating the poor drifter over the head with the handle of the knife! THE HANDLE OF MY KNIFE!

I'm shocked.

Shooked.

My flabber has been ghasted.

MY STICK! SHE STOLE MY STICK!!

Of course the drifter didn't last long after and sailed through the air again and landed SPLAT at my feet. I stood there holding the knife blade in my hand with no handle, mind you, and this cretin has the gall to ask me, "So uh... *burp* You gonna harvest the drifter or what?"

All I could say was, "I can't...... You stole my knife handle before I could even MAKE A KNIFE!!!!"

And yes I'm still mad.

Edited February 21 by Teh Pizza Lady

[LadyWYT]

Clay Strikes Again

Now we all know by now that clay, if indeed clay were a person, would be a shifty individual. The type that everyone knows and sees frequently around town, but is never actually able to be found when needed, y'know? In any case, with the 1.22 rc launch, I did as usual and booted a new world to go play around with all the new goodies. World gen wasn't the best but wasn't the worst either, and the resource that was lacking this time...was clay. Okay, fine, not a big deal since I did find a deposit when initially scouting around, so while it's some distance from where I chose to set up base it's not exactly dire prospects. I dug some up, brought it back, got my first pit kilns going...

...and then it happened. I walked down the little hill I had built on and found a clay deposit. 

[Asa Kuromi]

not sure if this is funny or im unfunny but anyways, im a new player and bought the game yesterday

i made my world and spawned on a heavily forested, wolf infested island (the island was very small) and i swam for like 15 minutes straight all while it was raining to find mainland. i was honestly scared cuz i didnt know if there was some weird ass sea creatures in the ocean so i was laser focused on not encountering that (idk if there is). after reaching the mainland i got frame one aggroed by a bear and sent all the way back to that island  

10/10 peak game!

[Blaiyze]

57 minutes ago, Asa Kuromi said:

not sure if this is funny or im unfunny but anyways, im a new player and bought the game yesterday

i made my world and spawned on a heavily forested, wolf infested island (the island was very small) and i swam for like 15 minutes straight all while it was raining to find mainland. i was honestly scared cuz i didnt know if there was some weird ass sea creatures in the ocean so i was laser focused on not encountering that (idk if there is). after reaching the mainland i got frame one aggroed by a bear and sent all the way back to that island  

10/10 peak game!

I see we both have the same RNG skill, for better or worse lol.

[7embre]

11 hours ago, LadyWYT said:

Clay Strikes Again

Now we all know by now that clay, if indeed clay were a person, would be a shifty individual. The type that everyone knows and sees frequently around town, but is never actually able to be found when needed, y'know? In any case, with the 1.22 rc launch, I did as usual and booted a new world to go play around with all the new goodies. World gen wasn't the best but wasn't the worst either, and the resource that was lacking this time...was clay. Okay, fine, not a big deal since I did find a deposit when initially scouting around, so while it's some distance from where I chose to set up base it's not exactly dire prospects. I dug some up, brought it back, got my first pit kilns going...

...and then it happened. I walked down the little hill I had built on and found a clay deposit. 

By the look of it Mr. Clay visited both of us...

On my latest survival world (which is launched recently, but on latest stable) right after I settled on a scenic cape with limestone and slate below my feet, I had to look for clay in about thousand blocks radius. Found all marble colors and a horde of bears btw. Not a big deal, I didn't want to build mainly from bricks/daub this time anyway, so I ended up finding both clay colors quite the distance away, despite it taking about an in-game month (!!!).

...until yesterday, when I was quietly chopping wood for some winter work, I did spot suspicious red dots on the icy ground where a tree just fell into my bag... And here I am, with an axe in hands, staring at my house 60-ish block away, chilling with Mr. Clay in the dead of a calm night.

Funnily enough I encountered it about 11 hours ago, pretty much same time with your post.

[Teh Pizza Lady]

WHICH BLOCK GAME AM I PLAYING AGAIN????

Taking a short break from VS while the rc sorts itself out and I can test my mod development.

Opened a different block game.

Right clicked on a chest to open it. Pressed E to open my inventory. The chest closed.

>_>

letsTryThatAgain.jpg

Right click on chest to open it. Press E to open my inventory!

ARRG I did it again! TT_TT 

I miss VS. I need 1.22 to be stable TT_TT

[Teh Pizza Lady]

On 3/7/2026 at 8:23 PM, Asa Kuromi said:

not sure if this is funny or im unfunny but anyways, im a new player and bought the game yesterday

i made my world and spawned on a heavily forested, wolf infested island (the island was very small) and i swam for like 15 minutes straight all while it was raining to find mainland. i was honestly scared cuz i didnt know if there was some weird ass sea creatures in the ocean so i was laser focused on not encountering that (idk if there is). after reaching the mainland i got frame one aggroed by a bear and sent all the way back to that island  

10/10 peak game!

10/10 went straight from wolf bait to bear snack.

[space llama]

tried a run of a ironman world, soil instability on, big mistake, spawn, walk 5 steps, world decides the dirt below my feet shall now fall, fall about 90 blocks, die in less then 10 min, my shortest ironman run for sure

[Maelstrom]

2 hours ago, space llama said:

tried a run of a ironman world, soil instability on, big mistake, spawn, walk 5 steps, world decides the dirt below my feet shall now fall, fall about 90 blocks, die in less then 10 min, my shortest ironman run for sure

Achievement get: Well that was quick!

[Teh Pizza Lady]

2 hours ago, Maelstrom said:

Achievement get: Well that was quick!

Achievement get: This isn't golf, but... Mulligan?